Long-term Lease (a poem)


When Trauma left my mind

she entered my crimeless body.

Took the back door,

a robber so subtle yet haughty.

And as a gracious host,

I didn’t kick her out.

Hell I gave her clean sheets,

let her freely walk about.

When I wanted room for Love,

I asked if she could leave.

That’s when Trauma chuckled

and showed her long-term lease.

“There must be a mistake!

You were only meant to travel through!”

“Oh darling don’t you know,

Auntie Trauma’s never leaving you.”

At first I felt resigned,

but then a little proud.

After all, thick-skinned girls

are wooed yet nevet wowed.

But then I thought of Love

and all the other guests

who couldn’t spend a day.

Something clenched inside my chest,

did it have to be this way?

Hello Stranger

What do you say to someone you haven’t talked to in six years? Do you simply slide into their DMs, hoping the nonchalant nature will erase any need to address the past? Or do you plan a grand re-entrance with roses and handwritten letters? As for me and my house, I’d just say hello.

Hello. I haven’t talked to you in six years but it hardly feels like that. Don’t think I haven’t missed you, I have! I’ve opened this page a dozen times over the years but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. I successfully hid myself under the guise of “too busy”. You can’t think about old friends if you’re busy making new ones. But memories of you would creep back in, hitching a ride on loneliness’s back. I’m overwhelmed with everything I want to tell you, but I’ll start at my excuses.

This blog was born out of a Mormon mission, shaped by God-seeking souls. When I left it to rot, a religious part of me followed. Returning to Lady Lena meant an impossible return to Sister Helzer, or so I told myself, once again successfully avoiding you. Although I am no longer an active member of the LDS church, my experiences within it cannot be siloed, nor would I want that. I will always be that 19 year old girl ringing doorbells in Germany because her hands molded me. I have changed, but I am not a different person. I’m simply molding myself over and over again until I must abandon the masterpiece I will have become. Perhaps you preferred the younger me; I’m sure some spectators liked Michelangelo’s drafts of the David better than the final. I can’t change your preference or campaign your acceptance, but I can stop avoiding you.

I want to take you on a journey, like I did six years ago. This one won’t be experienced in weekly letters, rather sporadic posts and poems. We’ll book stays at heartbreak hotel and take trains to far off dreams. Will you join me?

xx- Lena

Chemnitz in 2014 as a missionary and in 2018 with my trusty companion Farley.

Bonus Letter

Alright. Enough of this blog drought, I can’t handle it! I’m currently on a bus from Prague to Berlin and there’s no better way to spend my time than by writing to you. Now I’m typing on a tiny little smart phone and you’ll simply just have to wait until next week for a longer post. I just wanted to stop in here to say DONT FREAK OUT THE ADVENTURES OF LADY LENA HAVE NOT ENDED. Now you’re probably thinking “oh no. What more could this goober have up her sleeve.” Well I will leave that a surprise…*insert malicious evil laugh* the missionary work goes on, but now with an awkward twist of being companions with el dad-o. Si me ablo espanol. Tu ares atun. Oh shoot. I’ve got to do my bladder gladder and there’s no stops for 3 hours. #monk #arehashtagsstillathing #outoftheloop

The second point of me writing this post was to invite you to my homecoming. Yes you! Unless you are Finnish. Then you are uninvited because Finnish people have better things to do than listen to a 21 year old returned missionary attempt to speak a whole 15 minutes without using a German word. SPRITZRINGEN! (You probably thought that was a terrifying word right? It’s actually just the name of a terribly delicious German pastry.)

So when will I see you? Sunday, November 16, 2014 at 11 am.  Kings Peak chapel in Draper Utah USA. What’s that? You live in Australia? Well I suppose you can join us for the Skype session!!!! Haha just kidding.

Oh guys I am seriously so exciting for what’s about to happen. This website (and my post mission body) are about to get a makeover! I’ll tell you more about it shortly, but trust me, it’s not to be missed. In the meantime, enjoy some photos I’ve taken on my phone!


Czech me out. Punny right?


Prague in all her glory


Lookin fly grandpa!

Oh did you want to see more photos? Well do I have a solution for you! Follow me here.

I wish you all the best, but if you excuse me I ought to write the talk you’re going to hear shortly.
Sister Helzer (still a missionary for another glorious week!)

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